Sunday, December 16, 2012

Battle of the Blackened Wood Shrine

The Exulted Ugla thought of himself as a handsome and Beautiful Creature.   He was tall , well tall for a Goblin, and had beautiful straight green hair and a long flattened nose, like his forefather, and as leader of a band of Goblins deep within the Shadowlands who was to say otherwise.
His Tribe, the Goblins of the Blackened Wood Shrine, had lived a relatively quiet for the past two weeks.   Well too quiet for the Shadowlands, a place where dog eat dog and Oni eat Oni was all to common.   His warriors were worried they had died and gone to blackened fields in the sky and just didn't know it yet. 
The piquets gave him the first notice that something was wrong, not many Goblins messed a meal and when they did you knew something was wrong.   The scouts had failed to return and Ugla sent trusted members of his second cousin's daughters boyfriends adopted parents sister-in-law family out to check what was going on, I mean if you cannot count of obscure relatives who can you count on. 
One of the smelly ones returned with newly stained pants and reported that three Elementals were stalking the surrounding countryside.   Ugla knew immeditiatly we he should do, but he decided running made little sense as he lived comfortably in the shrine and why shouldn't he sacrifice a few Goblins to Fu Leng to please him.   He questioned his obscure relative one more time and learned if was Oni no Taki-bi, Oni no Kaza, and Oni no Mizu.   Three Oni, how many goblins could they kill he asked his followers aloud.
He counted his followers, there was one and another one, and one more that make more than one, he determined.   All this counting was making him hungry.   So he sent Ugu's Cavalry off to right around the bog water.  His Goblin chuckers he sent to not right to defend against an attack over there.   He egged on his Beserkers to go straight up the middle and the four goblins he just had bathed in fresh magic mud went almost left but not straight ahead.

The Goblins riding Ugu's Cavalry encounted Oni no Mizu, the thing made of water.    His boys leader decided to charge the wave head on, but his boys had a different opinion, stupid Goblins.   Instead they let Oni Mizu charge them.

Ugla had a trick up his sleeve, well if he had sleeves he would of had a trick up them.
   He knew how to make the ground shake, rattle and roll.   The spell was tricky and Oni No Taki-bi was almost extinguished as the earth quacked beneath his flamie little feet.   Does a Fire Elemental have Feet?   
Oni no Mizu splashed into his cavalry while Oni no Kama flew headlong into his chuckers on the not right side.

That water thing sure knew how to hit like a ton of water.  More than one and one and one and one of his Goblin Cavalry disappeared in the first wave of Mizu attack.   And the Cavalry did actually hit the water, like a 16 school boy hitting the beach in the middle of summer.

The second wave of the attack, he had his SueJenGa flicky the bicky and light up two of his magic mud goblins.   The mad a mad dash into the water, Ugla was not sure whether they were attacking oni no Mizu or putting themselves out.   Silly Goblins, Magic Mud not go out, but make big splosion.    And the two goblins did make huge splosion and the wave was no more.   Hey is that rain?   I mean what 7 wounds amongst friends.

Over on the not right Kaza was attacking his chuckers, but they were holding their own and each other and their pants up and well he got the point.    Ugla hoped Oni no Kaza got the point to, many times from his chuckers.    They threw something called a Catchin Sink at the Oni, what ever in that is.   Kaza got clucked a good one, two wounds.

When Kaza finally got to the Chuckers he rolled a Natural Yatzee of Ones.  Perfect score at the wrong time, when a second Catchin Sink, man ugla hoped that wasn't a disease, caught Kaza in the beak and down goes Frazier.  
One, two, what someone knows how to actually count, what number where we on, yeah 10.   Kaza's out.   Some Goblin claiming to be from Philadelphia was screaming something about "there ain't going to be a rematch", Ugla was upset, his Goblins were supposed to be Italian sausages or stallions or something like that.

Without warning Oni no Taki-bi slunk off into the night, how you not see a moving camp fire.   Some Goblin named Po attempted to explain they were blinded by there own awesomeness.   What kind of Goblin is that, so awesome they blind themselves.   Well my kind of course since they work for me, or worship me, or follow me or something decided Ugla.

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